Archive for the general Category

Obama gets my vote

Posted in activism, general on August 29, 2008 by aprildelfuego

I’m pretty stoked about Barack Obama.  He’s not a perfect candidate of course, but I’m still fairly excited about him.  Here are some of the things I think he could bring:

–at least the potential for some positive change!  I feel the beginnings of hope stirring in my heart.  Maybe, just maybe, our country can turn a corner?

–having someone in the “White” House who can (and hopefully will) talk about race in a real way.  White America needs to wake the f*@# up about how bad things really are.

–having that long line of presidential portraits in the White House, in museums, in encyclopedias, etc. FINALLY include someone besides white men.

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Book Review: “The Female Brain”

Posted in general on July 6, 2008 by aprildelfuego

I’ve been reading a book called “The Female Brain,” by Louann Brizendine, which is, not surprisingly, about the female brain.  The author is a neuro-psychiatrist who describes how estrogen and other female hormones stimulate various parts of the female brain from a very early age–like before we’re even born.  She posits that these hormone-stimulated parts of the brain are responsible for girls and women being better at reading other people’s cues and being more social and empathetic than their male counterparts.

It has been an interesting read, but I keep finding myself questioning some of the generalizations she makes based on these biological differences.  Like, I don’t find there to be such a huge difference between boy and girl babies around their tendency to look at people’s faces, and I don’t find girls to be THAT much better at reading social cues than boys.  I do see some tendencies in these directions, but I found her descriptions to be so broad and so black and white, that I found myself shaking my head as I read.

Then I read an article in Slate Magazine that totally debunked a lot of the conclusions being drawn by this author and another writer doing similar stuff.  The Slate article did a nice job of looking at not only her conclusions but also the actual research that she and others have done on these topics.  The writers of the article took issue with a lot of the same things I was having doubts about, so that was very validating.

Even though I don’t whole-heartedly buy into everything Brizendine says, I still find it helpful to acknowledge that there are some possible biological differences between males and females.  In a way it makes sense that there would be those differences, but it also makes sense to treat children and adults according to their own individual personalities and needs, and not just assume that they’re going to fit the biological model that scientists have identified.  Another reason to treat people as individuals is that the binary gender model is not really accurate in my opinion.  I don’t think we’re each all-female or all-male, so to me its a moot point to identify “male characteristics” and “female characteristics” as if we were all one gender or the other.  But, I digress.

I guess my overall impression of this book is that its interesting, but it needs to be taken with a big old grain of salt.  I do appreciate Brizendine’s commitment to the topic of female brains; I’ve always found my female brain to be quite interesting, so I’m glad there’s someone else out there that agrees with me.

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I’m not a true stoic.

Posted in general, mamahood on June 15, 2008 by aprildelfuego

I’m feeling less enthusiastic about life than usual, and I’ve been trying to figure out why.  Is it because I’m so tired?

I’ve been having all kinds of health problems that have been wearing me out…last month I lost a ton of blood, and this month I’ve had major stomach problems, which may end up requiring surgery.  And Sonnet has regressed in her sleeping habits lately, so I’m not getting enough rest.  It feels like I’m never going to feel good again.

There’s so much good stuff in my life, and yet I’m feeling kind of down, and I sound like a complainer when I try to talk about it.  There’s this self-critical voice that says I should shut up about all my problems and be grateful for all of the wonderful aspects of my life…particularly my healthy, beautiful daughter (who is toddling all over the place these days, by the way:-)

I have found, though, that I’m not really a true stoic.  When I try to be stoic, I just end up feeling miserable until I talk about whatever it is that’s getting to me, and go ahead and feel my feelings.  Then I can really move on, and I don’t have to fake it by trying to look strong.  I guess its my astrological destiny to find my strength by going into my weakness.  I have to let my frailty have its way with me, and be super vulnerable and raw.  That’s when I’m at my strongest, when I’m at my weakest.

Sometimes I forget this, or fight it, so its good that I’m remembering.  I guess there’s a new layer of learning around this aspect of myself, now that I’m a parent.  We want to be strong for our children, right?  What irony that to be strong for Sonnet, I need to be willing to be weak.  I hope that this gives her room to find her own path to dealing with her strengths and weaknesses, and that she doesn’t feel driven to be stoic.  I want for her what I want for myself, so maybe if I give it to myself, I give it to her?  That’s deep.

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The first year

Posted in general, mamahood on May 15, 2008 by aprildelfuego

Reflecting on our first year with Sonnet…

I am SOOO loving being a mama.  I feel like I’m better at this “job” than I have been at anything else in my whole life.  Like I just had so much love in my heart just waiting to be poured into a new little person, and now I’m finally getting to let it all out.  And I see it reflected back to me in the very present, aware, curious, loving, affectionate, sensitive, open, resilient being of my daughter, and in the amazing relationship between the two of us.

These days Sonnet is practicing walking and she says words like kitty cat, doggy, up, da-da, hi.  And she’s learning sign language for lots of other words.  She is such a little nature girl, always wanting to be outside, pick flowers and watch animals.  She loves to go up and down stairs.  She likes to touch her toes to her nose.  She follows her daddy down the driveway waving bye-bye in the morning.  She loves music and dancing.  She’s always picking up sticks and rocks and leaves and carrying them around.  She gives me kisses.  Every day is a new adventure, as she explores and learns about the world (well, mainly our back yard and the play ground!)

I’m often tired, since nobody in our house gets a full night of sleep yet.  And sometimes I have to take a deep breath for patience and persistence when she wants me to walk around the house YET AGAIN, or when she fusses and I have no idea what she needs/wants.  I struggle to find time for myself, and to know what to do with myself when I finally detach myself from Sonnet and get out into the world.  Everything that I was before she was born is still there, and yet its different somehow, and I’m figuring things out day by day.  Because of all of this, sometimes by the end of the day, I’m just toast.  And still, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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Hello world!

Posted in general with tags on November 23, 2007 by aprildelfuego

To quote my daughter, “Hello, world!” I’m entering the world of blogging, just as she’s entering this world of sensations, movement and relationships, and she’s kind of my inspiration to start writing stuff to share with people.

I’m certainly not the first person to be inspired by parenthood, so I won’t pretend to have anything original to say…so, more or less, this blog will be boring and cliche. No, hopefully not.

Part of why I want to write is because I have many interests besides mamahood, but they’ve been a little eclipsed by this parenting thing, so I’m hoping to fan the flames of these other interests by having a place to write about them. We’ll see.

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